


Turning circles

by mistilteinn



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Bottom Magnus Bane, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Top Alec Lightwood, just trust me on this one, malec is otp and they're not allowed to be sad, no beta we die like men, not for long anyway, this starts off angsty but i promise it ends well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-25 16:09:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18577930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistilteinn/pseuds/mistilteinn
Summary: An alternate ending to 3x19.Magnus doesn't go with Asmodeus. He puts the pieces together and pays a visit to our favorite Head of the Institute.





	Turning circles

**Author's Note:**

> i woke up from a dead sleep way too early this morning and outlined this entire thing on my phone. the working title was "Magnus is not an idiot."
> 
> that's, like, probably the best summary for this piece that i can give you all. as usual, unbeta'd. let me know if you spot any egregious mistakes and i'll fix them.
> 
> (also, title from "This Year's Love" by David Gray. highly recommend that you listen to it to get the vibe i was going for)

Alec has been stressing about Jace’s harebrained plan to go undercover and join Clary and Jonathan for hours. He’s periodically checked in (Jace seems fine - he’s with them both, they’re in Prague of all places right now), sent appropriate updates to his Shadowhunters in the Institute, and has soundly ignored all of Izzy’s attempts to get him to take a break.

Now he sits back in his chair, rubs a hand over his face, and blows out a breath. He’s got to try to get at least a little sleep at some point in the next twelve hours or so. Last night was a total wash - he’d spent the entire time tossing and turning, reaching for Magnus, startled when his hand was met with cold sheets. Not that it was Magnus’s fault.

Not that _any of this_ was Magnus’s fault.

Sharp pain claws through his chest and he squeezes his eyes shut at the sensation, runs a hand through his hair, willing someone to walk through the door to his office, provide him yet another distraction so that he doesn’t have to feel so hollow quite yet.

As if summoned by his thoughts, a knock comes from the other side of the door.

Relieved, he opens his eyes and pulls his hand from his hair, weakly trying to pat it back into place as he calls out a greeting. “Come in!”

The door opens and Underhill pokes his head in, eyes a little wide and a frown set into the lines of his forehead. Something’s wrong.

Instantly Alec is on, is ready to act as the Head of the Institute as he was born to. He speaks, the firm note to his voice brokering no excuses. “What’s going on?”

Underhill sends him an apologetic smile and looks back over his shoulder, steps into the room and allows the door to fall open behind him. Alec cranes his head to catch a glimpse at the figure behind his friend, freezing when he recognizes the dark, spiked hair.

“He insisted on seeing you. I wasn’t sure - I told him you were busy.”

“It’s fine. You can go now.” Alec knows he’s being overly dismissive, that Underhill is just trying to be a good friend, and more than that, do a good job, but he can’t tear his eyes away from Magnus Bane for long enough to even spare him a cursory glance.

Underhill nods shortly and moves to the side, allowing Magnus to step fully into Alec’s office, and slips out behind him, shutting the door on his way out. The silence stretches between them for several seconds.

Alec leans back in his chair, gathers himself enough to secure his Head of the Institute mask over his emotions. He appraises the warlock in front of him. Rumpled, hair mussed, jaw set. A familiar rush of love, affection, and desire burns through his body and he swallows it back, stands from his desk and comes around the side so that there’s nothing between them.

Magnus shifts his weight and looks up at him, dark eyes glinting in the light. Angry. “My father has escaped Edom.”

It feels like the breath has been punched from Alec’s chest. His eyes widen, hands clench unconsciously into fists.

“We have to find him,” Magnus says, and his tone has changed. Alec doesn’t need to hear the words to know that Magnus is asking him for help.

Alec nods shortly and returns to his desk, beckoning Magnus over. He leans down and types on his computer, too keyed up to sit.

He sends a message labeled urgent to all of his Shadowhunters except Jace and Clary, ordering them to begin patrols early, double up whenever possible, watch for demonic activity. He stresses the danger, asks them to report any findings to him directly and immediately.

When he’s finished, Magnus is reading over his shoulder, leaning heavily on his desk chair and looking miserable. Alec’s heart clenches at the sight.

He speaks, unable to resist the bone-deep need to take care of Magnus. “Why don’t you sit? You look exhausted.” At Magnus’s hesitation, he continues, tone entreating. “We have to wait for the Shadowhunters to find something before we can act - you have time to rest.”

Magnus finally nods and sinks into the chair with a relieved breath. Alec sighs, leaning against the desk, and looks down at him. Magnus’s hands are shaking. Alec barely keeps himself from covering them with his own.

Magnus pushes back a yawn and slumps against one of the armrests, hand cradling his head. Alec examines the smudged makeup, the sallow undertone present in his normally glowing complexion, the wrinkles in his clothes. Alec shifts his weight guiltily, wondering when the last time Magnus slept was.

“Where have you been?” He ventures, knowing better than to make any untoward observations about Magnus’s appearance directly. He’s made that mistake before, has been the focus of Magnus’s scowl more times than he cares to remember.

While he didn’t mention Magnus’s disheveled physical state openly this time, the warlock still levels him with a vicious glare. He answers, deadpan. “The streets.”

Alec hunches his shoulders, shame churning his stomach. Magnus stands up from the chair, raising himself to his full height. And even though Alec easily has half a head on him, Magnus just seems to tower over him right now, righteous anger glinting in his eyes. He isn’t done yet. “You know - since you dumped me when I had nowhere else to go. Like trash. I wandered around for hours before my father found me the second time.”

“Did he hurt you?” Alec manages, guilt making his voice thick. He tries not to imagine Magnus alone in the streets, cold and in pain. _Just like when he was a child._

Alec flinches at the thought, only just now beginning to realize how breaking up with him had likely opened up Magnus’s old wounds as well as creating new ones.

He can see the way that Magnus’s eyes narrow and his back stiffens, can hear the words that Magnus is barely holding back. _No more than you did._

Alec wishes that he would say it out loud. Alec deserves to bear all of the fury that Magnus feels right now and more.

Magnus just frowns at him, shakes his head jerkily before answering. He looks over Alec’s shoulder, the anger seeming to drain from the tense line of his shoulders.

“I portalled away before he could do anything. Which is interesting, considering that the last time I saw him, he took away my magic. And then today - he gave it back to me with no hesitation.”

Magnus pauses and looks back at him, eyes searching Alec’s very soul. He forces himself to hold Magnus’s gaze - if he looks away now, Magnus will know that something is very wrong, that Alec is the cause of it all.

Then Magnus continues speaking, and Alec realizes that Magnus must already know. “It’s almost as if he thought he was gonna get something that he wanted _more_ than my magic.”

Magnus drops his gaze to Alec’s lips for a moment, slowly brings a hand up to gently brush over his cheekbone. When he speaks again, it’s quiet - the ghost of grief laces his words. “He wanted my heart. Broken.”

Alec shuts his eyes at that, clenches his jaw. Magnus pulls his hand away and it takes all of Alec’s hard-fought soldier control to not chase after the touch. His hands tighten into fists once again and he squares his shoulders, steels himself against the overwhelming emptiness threatening to suffocate him from the inside out.

He opens his eyes and Magnus is just as close, if not closer than before. The proximity takes his breath away.

“And who,” Magnus whispers, words caressing Alec’s lips, leaving them tingling, “could have broken me so completely that I would consider going with my father?”

Alec swallows, thick pain pounding in his head and heart. He answers shortly. “I made a deal with him.”

Magnus pulls back, eyes widening. At once, the soft hurt in his eyes flickers to something else - anger, bewilderment. And Magnus must have at least suspected, but this outright admission - it’s thrown him for a loop.

“Alexander - how _could_ you?” Magnus backs away from him, rounds the corner of his desk to pause in the center of the room, apparently needing a physical barrier between them.

Despite himself, Alec follows his path, drawn in by the emotion sparking in Magnus’s expression - he hasn’t seen Magnus look this alive since before Lorenzo reversed the transplant. His heart is tearing open and he can’t help but answer, try to make Magnus understand.

“I had to! It was the only way to get your magic back - to make you whole again!” Alec is pleading, stepping closer even though Magnus has stopped moving away, is holding tightly to the back of one of the chairs near the fireplace.

He tries again, “Please, Magnus, you have to understand -”

“That wasn’t your decision to _make,_ Alexander!” Magnus interrupts him, voice edged with hysteria. His eyes are wide, his fingers are clutching the leather of the chair, leaving imprints. His nails are flickering between colors wildly, eyes are gold and pupils slit. His magic makes the air surrounding them thick, electric.

“Magnus - seeing you so unhappy, it was more than I could take!” Alec appeals, hands out in a placating gesture. He ducks his head and takes a cautious step forward, attempting to soothe the warlock’s pain.

“Oh, so me losing my magic is all about you, is it?” Magnus sneers at him, lip curled. He goes to take another step back, but his heel hits the edge of the fireplace, turns it an unappealing shade of green at the contact.

Alec blows out a breath from his mouth, trying not to make things worse by saying the wrong thing. “That’s not - look. How could I go on, just watching you be so unhappy?”

Magnus’s eyes flash at him angrily and he answers, each word louder than before until he’s very nearly shouting. “You could have chosen to listen to and support me. Instead, you decided to call my father without my permission, bring him to the mortal plane, make a _deal_ with him, and then dump me on the streets of New York City in November!”

Pain pounds in Alec’s chest, guilt and shame ring in his ears. He speaks as quietly as before, pushes away the fury racing through his veins. “I - I’m sorry. I was doing what I thought was right.”

Magnus steps around the chair towards him, movements quick and dangerous. He’s still loud, is getting close to Alec’s personal space. “That’s always been your problem, Alexander - you just do what _you_ think is right instead of _listening_ to the people around you!”

And something deep inside of Alec cracks at that. He stands his ground, refuses to back down or apologize again. He snaps at Magnus, savage pleasure curling in his stomach when the warlock looks taken aback. “I _did_ listen to you! I listened when you told me you’d never be happy again!”

Something’s changed in Magnus as well - he’s tearing up now. His voice is just as loud as before, but he’s clearly upset in addition to being angry when he snaps back, “Well now I _won’t_ be!”

Alec is still yelling, guilt and pain flipped to fury like a switch went off. “Fine!” He shouts, steps closer to Magnus, all thoughts of giving him space gone without a trace. “I made a mistake! Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Magnus shakes his head at that, has wrapped his arms around himself. He looks smaller, and so alone because of it that it hurts Alec even through the anger.

Alec steps even further into his space now, looms over Magnus. He’s still louder than he needs to be, but the brunt of the fury is gone from his voice when he speaks again, desperation taking its place. “What do you want, then? Tell me what you want and I’ll do it!”

And Magnus stands up on his toes, grabs the collar of Alec’s jacket, and pulls him in so that they’re sharing the same air. Eyes shining with unshed tears, he speaks softly, voice broken, only the barest whisper crossing the threshold of his lips. “You. I just want you.”

And Alec is in awe. He can’t help but lean in, brush their mouths together softly. Magnus makes a muffled noise at that, pulls him closer, and Alec’s control fractures.

He slides a hand around Magnus’s waist, pulls him flush against his chest. Their hearts are beating in sync. Alec licks along the seam of his mouth and plunges in when Magnus opens for him, desperate to taste anything besides the ash he’s been stuck with since leaving Maryse’s shop last night.

And Magnus gives as good as he gets, hands curving around Alec’s head to steady him, fingers twisting in his hair. The pain makes Alec’s eyes roll back in his skull, sends a throb of desire straight down to his cock.

He reaches down between them, cups Magnus through his pants. Magnus jumps and moans into his mouth, cants his hips forward as much as he’s able.

Alec sloppily kisses him and struggles to undo his belt and pants, unwilling to pull back and look at what he’s doing. He finally gets them open, shoves them down around Magnus’s thighs, pulls his hard cock out from his underwear and wraps his hand around it, thumbing the slit.

Magnus bites him hard when he gives a couple of good strokes, and Alec pulls back, stinging. He’s got a question in his eyes and Magnus hesitates for a second before he answers.

“Not like this. I want you inside of me.” He bites his own lip after speaking and looks down between them, as if he’s nervous that Alec is going to refuse.

As if Alec could possibly refuse.

Alec shuts his eyes at the thought of being inside of Magnus again.

He’s never been a strong man.

He nods and looks around them for a spot, breath hitching in his throat when his gaze lands on the desk. He’d be lying if he said he never thought about taking Magnus on it, though his daydreams usually involved them playing some game where Magnus called him _Mr. Lightwood_.

Magnus follows his gaze and shuffles over as best he can, pulling Alec along. “Help me?” He asks, eyes fluttering shyly, referring to the rest of his clothing.

And Alec sort of - reboots. He snaps into action, unbuttons Magnus’s shirt, braces him to help take off his shoes and pants, catches him when he loses his balance and the ghost of a smile curls his lips. For a moment, Alec can feel that easy and familiar chemistry between them, how they just seem to fit so perfectly together.

He knows Magnus can feel it too, the way that he tenses in Alec’s arms. Then he lets out a shuddering breath, and the desperation in his expression is back twofold. “Please,” he says, and Alec knows that he means _stay with me_ as much as he means _fuck me._ Pain rears in his chest once again and it’s all Alec can do to keep from crumbling, so he resolves himself to simply nod and give Magnus what he needs.

“Bend over,” Alec commands, and Magnus says nothing about the way his voice wobbles, the note of pleading underscoring the words. They both let Alec pretend to take control of the situation.

Alec kneels behind when Magnus is laid out over the desk, ass up and legs spread wide. He’s on display here, and Alec can’t get enough of the sight. Lust builds inside of him and he licks a long line from Magnus’s balls all the way up the crease of his ass. Magnus shudders under him and he grips each cheek tightly, opens him up with his fingers and his tongue, bone-deep desire urging him onwards.

And, yes, it has only been a few days since the last time they did this, but the shear breadth of emotion felt over those days makes the time gap almost insurmountably wide, like a canyon across which Alec must climb with no tools.

Alec stops worrying about how they’ll make their way back to each other when Magnus starts pushing back against his tongue, hips stuttering for some kind of friction. Alec gives it to him, wrapping a large hand around his cock for him to fuck into, licking deeper, more deliberately, until Magnus’s hole is loose and red, open enough for two fingers to slide in.

Alec fucks into him, intentionally avoiding his prostate, just focusing on stretching him. Taking care of him.

“Please,” Magnus cries out, clenching around Alec’s fingers, hot and wet and so desperate. “Inside me, now.”

“Are you sure?” Alec knows that Magnus is still too tight, that he needs more prep in order to take Alec's cock comfortably. “It’ll hurt if I don’t -”

“Yes, I’m sure! I need it!” Magnus interrupts him sharply, pushing back against his fingers. The heat around his fingers throbs, and Alec shuts his mouth, nods to himself, pulls them out. He stands, tugging Magnus up by the hip so that they’re standing flush together, Magnus’s naked back to his still clothed front.

“Turn around,” he rumbles into Magnus’s ear and when he complies, Alec lifts him to sit on the desk, spreads his legs to stand between them.

Magnus drags his heated gaze up Alec’s body as he yanks Alec’s shirt over his head, eyes catching on each permanent rune, and clutches the back of Alec’s neck in his hand. He leans up, captures Alec’s lips in a kiss. Their mouths slot together perfectly and Alec tries to put all of the emotion that he can’t verbally express into it - all of the pain, regret, and love.

Magnus pulls back and the gentleness in his features tells Alec that he got it, that he understands. Hurt echoes behind his ribcage at the thought of almost losing this, and Alec pushes Magnus with one hand until he’s all the way back on the desk, laid out for the taking.

He undoes his jeans and pulls his erection out, leaving his pants open but still on, too agitated to take his time and strip fully.

Alec looks at the way his chest heaves, the skin already flushed. The emotion in Magnus’s eyes, the way the gold seems to glitter and shift from lighter to darker and back. The softness of his mouth, lips reddened from biting. Magnus is everything he ever wanted and more.

How could he ever think himself selfless enough to give this up? All it took was a few words from that mouth and Alec is right back here, desperate to have Magnus, desperate for Magnus to have him in return.

Alec grips the hand closest to him, laces their fingers together. Magnus blinks at that and squeezes reassuringly, nodding at him. Love surges in his chest and Alec doesn’t try to push it away this time, just lines up with Magnus’s entrance and presses in, savoring the slow stretch as much as the mind-numbing pleasure that’s sure to follow.

Magnus’s eyes roll back in his head as Alec fills him, muscles twitching under that golden skin. Alec lays his free hand over Magnus’s hip and holds him steady while he pulls almost all the way back out, drawing a pained sound from Magnus’s lips.

Magnus wraps a leg around Alec’s thigh and tightens it, urging him forward again. Alec squeezes the hand in his own and slides back in. Magnus is still too tight around him, but is looser now after that first brutal thrust.

“More, now,” Magnus grits out, pulse fluttering, exposed in the long column of his neck when he throws his head back against the desk with an audible _thunk._

Alec flinches at the sound and bites back the urge to ask if Magnus is okay. He knows that Magnus isn’t okay right now - that neither of them are. He can only hope that one day they will be.

So instead of saying anything, he just thrusts back in, the pleasure of Magnus’s walls around him short-circuiting his brain. He moves on autopilot now, hands heavy on Magnus’s body, snapping his hips against his ass again and again.

He’s chasing that familiar pleasure, changes his angle enough so that Magnus’s back is arching and he’s shouting, seeing stars at the end of every thrust. Alec can scarcely believe that for even a moment he imagined a future where they wouldn’t share this, can only shake his head as he rolls his hips, moves the hand covering Magnus’s hip to wrap around his erection.

And Magnus tenses beautifully at his grip, body curved like a work of art. Alec rolls his hips again, moans at the skin to skin contact, and dangerous words slip from his mouth. Words that have the power to destroy them both.

He thrusts. “I love you.” He thrusts again, hips stuttering when he realizes what he said.

Magnus’s eyes open at that, brow furrowed. He swallows roughly, squeezes Alec’s hand in his and answers. “I love you too.”

Alec fucks into him harder, head dropping against his chest and eyes falling shut. He’d be shaking right now if not for the tight grip he’s got on Magnus’s hand and erection. He pumps his hand, looks back up to see a tear slip down Magnus’s cheek and disappear into his thick dark hair.

“I love you,” he repeats, and can’t bear the knowledge of how close he came to never being able to tell Magnus again. So he says it over and over, punctuating the words with a thrust each time. Magnus is moving below him, taut like a bowstring, and Alec knows he’s close.

Alec strokes him faster, a little rougher, just how he likes. He wants them to come together and it’ll only take another thrust, maybe two, for him to come undone himself.

Magnus’s mouth falls open when he twists his wrist, thumbs the head. Alec thrusts hard and punches a broken moan from Magnus’s chest, the tight coil of arousal in his stomach beginning to unravel.

And Magnus is coming, is clenching around him and spending over their skin. Alec can’t summon the coordination to pull out and so when the waves of pleasure hit full force, he bows over, panting into Magnus’s neck and fucking deeper and deeper into him.

Finally, the overwhelming physical sensation abates and Alec straightens up, still gripping Magnus’s hand tightly. Magnus lets out a soft sound when he pulls out, looks well fucked and exhausted.

After a moment, Magnus slides off of the desk and onto shaky legs, stumbles slightly into Alec’s chest. He stands up straighter and steps back before Alec can curl an arm around his waist, looking unsure of himself.

Alec’s chest clenches at that and he tugs on Magnus’s hand, pulls him into an embrace. Magnus melts into it almost immediately, letting out a great, shuddering breath and pressing his face to Alec’s deflect rune. Alec shuts his eyes, focusing on how right they feel together.

Magnus steps back after a long few seconds, nose wrinkled at the come smeared across both of their stomachs. Alec can’t help the fond smile that curls across his face, can’t keep himself from bringing a hand up to cradle Magnus’s face, angle him up for a kiss.

Their lips brush together sweetly and Alec’s heart flutters behind his ribcage. The kiss stays chaste - loving but not desperate. When he pulls back, he knows his cheeks are flushed, can see the same color on Magnus’s skin.

“What now?” Magnus manages to ask softly, eyes flickering back to their dark brown glamour. Alec ignores the pang in his chest at the loss.

“We find your father. Together. After that - it’s up to you.” Alec brushes a thumb over Magnus’s cheekbone; emotion rises in his chest when Magnus nuzzles into the touch.

“I’d do anything for you,” he says without meaning to.

Magnus eyes him at that, and Alec knows he’s thinking about the deal Alec made with his father. Alec resolves to do whatever it takes to make it up to him.

“I know,” he responds after a moment, tired but understanding. He squeezes Alec’s hand, still tangled in his own, and the terrible knot in Alec’s chest starts to loosen, slowly but surely.

**Author's Note:**

> obviously i can't deal with the boys being sad and apart. 
> 
> please leave a comment below if you have any thoughts or feelings about this (like, preferably positive ones, i guess?)
> 
> kudos let me know you enjoyed it!


End file.
